Go Deep Like a Pinyon Pine

Paul DurbinLead Pastor
June 16, 2026

2 Minute Read

The blue spruce is gorgeous. Tall, that unforgettable color, impressive in every way. But here's the thing—its roots only go down about 12 to 18 inches. So when a real wind hits, over it goes.

Meanwhile, the scrubby little pinyon pine is hanging off the edge of the Grand Canyon like it's no big deal. Why? Because it sends a taproot way down deep. It's not flashy. It's not tall. But it's anchored.

I think a lot of us are trying to grow as blue spruces. We spread our spiritual roots wide—sampling every podcast, every trend, every new idea that floats by. And then we wonder why the first hard wind knocks us flat. Paul saw this coming. He wrote, "Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him." Rooted. Down. Deep.

Going deep isn't glamorous. It looks like opening your Bible again. Praying when you don't feel like it. Showing up to community when staying home would be easier. It's quiet, steady, unimpressive work. But it's the kind of work that holds you up when the canyon wind starts howling.

So today, instead of spreading wider, go deeper. Just a little. Jesus is worth the dig.

167 | How Can I Grow Toward Greater Christ-Like Maturity? P2

In part two of his teaching on Christ-like maturity, Pastor Paul Durbin walks Belay'ers through Colossians 1:24–2:7 to unpack three more deliberate practices that grow us into spiritually mature followers of Jesus. He shows how spiritual discernment, continual growth, and overflowing thankfulness move us past fine-sounding arguments and shallow faith into a deeply rooted life in Christ. Using the picture of a pinyon pine sending its taproot deep into rocky ground, Paul invites us to stop spreading wide and start going down—anchored in Jesus, who is all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Paul Durbin6/14/2026
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From this Author: Paul Durbin
June 23, 20261 Minute Read
The Ship Is Already Full
Paul used a word in Colossians that I love: pleroma. It described a cargo ship loaded so full you couldn't squeeze one more crate on board without sinking it. That's the picture he uses for what we have in Jesus. Full. Maxed out. Complete. And then he says something almost startling: try to add anything to that, and you're not improving the trip—you're sinking the ship. I get why we try. Our brains keep whispering that the gospel is too simple. Surely there's more we need to do, feel, prove, or perform. So we start stacking extras on the deck. A little legalism here. A flashy spiritual experience there. A nice coat of cultural respectability on top. Before long, the boat's groaning, and we're wondering why our faith feels heavy instead of free. Here's the good news today: you don't have to earn what you already have. If Jesus is in you, the cargo hold is full. You're not behind. You're not lacking. You're not one more discipline, conference, or experience away from being a real Christian. Just sail. Trust the Captain. Enjoy the fullness.ship
June 23, 20261 Minute Read
Don't Get In The Wrong Taxi
Years ago in China, I walked out of an airport tired, saw a sharp-dressed guy with a clean car (technically, it was an “illegal” taxi, but they were quite common), and thought, "Sure, why not?" I was tired, and a comfy ride home in a nice care from the airport sounded great. 5 minutes later he pulled over next to a rickety van, pointed, and said, "That's your ride." Bait and switch. I'd been “hijacked.” Paul says our faith can get hijacked the same way. Something polished pulls up, promises a smoother ride, and the next thing you know you're being driven somewhere you never meant to go. The hijackers are sneaky—smart-sounding ideas that leave Jesus out, rule-keeping that replaces relationship, spiritual highs that bypass real connection, and cultural respectability that masquerades as righteousness. Each one promises a better ride. Each one charges a price you didn't agree to. Here's what I've learned: the "legit taxi"—the real, authentic walk with Jesus—isn't flashy. It's not always exciting. But it always gets you home. Stay in that ride. Talk to Jesus today, and let Him lead. He's the only one who actually knows where you're going.taxi
June 21, 20267 Minute Read
What is hijacking your faith?
OVERVIEW 👀 In this fifth message from the Book of Colossians, Pastor Paul Durbin walks us through Colossians 2:8–23 and uncovers four sneaky "hijackers" that try to pull our faith away from Jesus. Using a memorable story of a bait-and-switch taxi ride in China, Paul reminds us that in Christ we already have fullness, newness, and forgiveness—and we don't need anything more added to that. He challenges us to spot godless philosophies, legalistic rule keeping, mystical experiences, and traditional wisdom that try to take us for a ride to places we don't want to go. The invitation is simple: keep your faith squarely rooted in Jesus.hijack TIPS 📌 For the greatest impact, invite a few others to go through this study guide with you. You don't need to do every section and question—use what fits your group or season. Let the Spirit highlight where to slow down and engage. ICEBREAKER(S) 🧊 Have you ever been "bait and switched" by something that promised one thing and delivered another (a vacation, a product, a meal)? Tell the story. BIBLE PASSAGE(S) 📖 Colossians 3:1–4:1 (NIV) 1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. 18 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. 25 Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs, and there is no favoritism. 1 Masters, provide your slaves with what is right and fair, because you know that you also have a Master in heaven. OBSERVATION 🔎 What words or phrases does Paul use to describe what we already have "in Christ"? What specific warnings or "watch outs" does Paul give in this passage? What does Paul say happened to the record of our sin, and what imagery does he use to describe it? APPLICATION 👋 Where are you most tempted to believe Jesus alone isn't enough—that you need to add something to your faith to feel secure? Paul compares our fullness in Christ to a cargo ship that can't take on one more piece of cargo without sinking. What "extras" have you been tempted to load on top of Jesus? Is there a "godless philosophy" or smart-sounding idea you've been quietly absorbing that leaves Jesus out of the equation? Do you find yourself measuring your spiritual life more by rules you keep (or break) than by your relationship with Jesus? What might that be hiding? Pastor Paul shared that he's had real, unexplainable spiritual experiences—but warned against chasing the experience over the relationship. Where might you be chasing a spiritual "high" instead of a steady walk with Jesus? What cultural expectations (being on time, independent, successful, polished) do you sometimes confuse with being a good Christian? These are good things, but they're not the same as righteousness in Christ. If a friend asked you, "What does it actually mean to follow Jesus?" how would you answer without sliding into a list of do's and don'ts? LIVE ON BELAY 🏔️ Pick one "hijacker" from the message (philosophy, legalism, mysticism, or cultural wisdom) and ask a trusted friend this week to help you spot it in your own life. Write down three things you have in Christ—fullness, newness, forgiveness—and share them with someone who needs that reminder. Reach out to someone who feels disqualified or "not enough" spiritually and remind them what Jesus has already done for them. Invite someone over for a meal this week and have a real, unhurried conversation about faith—relationship, not rules. Spend one morning this week unplugged from social media or news, and use that time to simply talk with Jesus like a friend. PRAYER 🙏 Thank Jesus for the fullness, newness, and forgiveness you already have in Him. Ask the Spirit to show you any "hijacker" that's slowly pulled you off course. Pray for someone you know who's stuck in rule-keeping religion instead of relationship. Ask God to keep your faith simple, steady, and rooted in Jesus alone. Pray for Belay'ers to live on belay this week—on mission, in step with the Spirit. WORSHIP 🙌 OUTLINE 📝 Main Idea: In Christ, you already have everything you need—don't let anything hijack that. What We Have In Christ Fullness — the cargo ship is full Newness — buried and raised with Christ Forgiveness — nailed to the cross Hijacker One: Godless Philosophies Smart-sounding ideas that leave Jesus out True wisdom starts with the fear of the Lord C.S. Lewis: by Christ we see everything else Hijacker Two: Legalistic Rule Keeping Measuring faith by do's and don'ts Rules are a shadow; Christ is the reality Relationship, not a rulebook Hijacker Three: Mystical Experiences Chasing a high over a connection Experiences without the Head are empty Welcome them, but don't worship them Hijacker Four: Traditional Wisdom Cultural norms can look like righteousness Good citizen ≠ citizen of heaven Honor culture, but don't bow to it Takeaway: Put your faith squarely in Jesus—He is enough, and anything added only sinks the ship.
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Don't Fall for Fine-Sounding Arguments
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June 16, 20262 Minute Read
Go Deep Like a Pinyon Pine
The blue spruce is gorgeous. Tall, that unforgettable color, impressive in every way. But here's the thing—its roots only go down about 12 to 18 inches. So when a real wind hits, over it goes. Meanwhile, the scrubby little pinyon pine is hanging off the edge of the Grand Canyon like it's no big deal. Why? Because it sends a taproot way down deep. It's not flashy. It's not tall. But it's anchored. I think a lot of us are trying to grow as blue spruces. We spread our spiritual roots wide—sampling every podcast, every trend, every new idea that floats by. And then we wonder why the first hard wind knocks us flat. Paul saw this coming. He wrote, "Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him." Rooted. Down. Deep. Going deep isn't glamorous. It looks like opening your Bible again. Praying when you don't feel like it. Showing up to community when staying home would be easier. It's quiet, steady, unimpressive work. But it's the kind of work that holds you up when the canyon wind starts howling. So today, instead of spreading wider, go deeper. Just a little. Jesus is worth the dig.deeper
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How Can I Grow Toward Greater Christ-Like Maturity? P2
OVERVIEW 👀 In part two of his teaching on Christ-like maturity, Pastor Paul Durbin walks Belay'ers through Colossians 1:24–2:7 to unpack three more deliberate practices that grow us into spiritually mature followers of Jesus. He shows how spiritual discernment, continual growth, and overflowing thankfulness move us past fine-sounding arguments and shallow faith into a deeply rooted life in Christ. Using the picture of a pinyon pine sending its taproot deep into rocky ground, Paul invites us to stop spreading wide and start going down—anchored in Jesus, who is all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.part 2 TIPS 📌 For the greatest impact, invite a few others to go through this study guide with you. You don't need to do every section and question—use what fits your group or season. Let the Spirit highlight where to slow down and engage. ICEBREAKER(S) 🧊 If you had 10,000 hours to master any skill (no responsibilities, no excuses), what would you pick and why? BIBLE PASSAGE(S) 📖 Colossians 1:24–2:7 24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness—26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me. 1 I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. 6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. OBSERVATION 🔎 What words or phrases does Paul use to describe what Jesus is and what He gives to believers in this passage? What does Paul say is his goal for the believers he writes to, and what reasons does he give for telling them all of this? Paul uses agricultural and construction images (rooted, built up, strengthened). What do these word pictures suggest about the kind of life Paul is describing? APPLICATION 👋 Paul warns about being deceived by "fine-sounding arguments." What's a spiritual idea or message you've encountered recently that sounded great on the surface but didn't quite line up with Jesus? We grow in discernment by knowing the real thing—Jesus Himself. How would you describe your current rhythm of getting to know Jesus through His Word? The legalism trap says, "Jesus plus something else." Where might you be tempted to add conditions—rules, performance, or proving yourself—to your relationship with God? The mysticism trap says other voices or practices are also needed to be whole. Are there any "extra voices" (horoscopes, self-help gurus, trending spiritual ideas) competing with Jesus for your attention? Blue spruce roots grow wide but shallow; pinyon pine roots grow deep. Honestly, which one better describes your spiritual life right now? Take a moment to consider why. Paul says to "continue to live your lives in him." Where are you tempted to coast or stop growing? What does pressing on look like in this season? Paul mentions thankfulness in every chapter of Colossians. What would change in your daily life if you actually overflowed with gratitude instead of complaints or excuses? LIVE ON BELAY 🏔️ Pick one passage of Scripture this week (try Colossians 1–2) and read it daily. Let it sink in so you can recognize the real thing when fine-sounding arguments come along. Write down three things you're thankful for every morning this week—and tell at least one person each day something specific you appreciate about them. Invite someone further along in their faith to coffee and ask them how they've grown a deeper taproot in Jesus. Listen, take notes, and apply what you hear. Identify one "extra voice" you've been listening to (a podcast, app, influencer, habit) that's been crowding out Jesus, and take a break from it for two weeks. Send a quick text, note, or voice message to someone outside your normal circle this week to encourage them and remind them that Christ in them is the hope of glory. PRAYER 🙏 Thank Jesus that the gospel is simple: He came to save sinners, and that includes you. Ask the Holy Spirit for sharper discernment to spot fine-sounding arguments that pull you off course. Pray for a deeper taproot—ask God to root you in Him and in His Word this season. Ask God to make you a person who overflows with thankfulness, even on hard days. Pray for someone in your life who needs to hear the hope of "Christ in you" today. WORSHIP 🙌 OUTLINE 📝 Main Idea: Growing toward Christ-like maturity takes time, mentors, and deliberate practices that root us deeply in Jesus. Quick Review of Last Week's Practices joyful suffering willing service strenuous contending walking in glorious hope 5) The Practice of Spiritual Discernment fine-sounding arguments still exist today the legalism trap: Jesus plus rules the mysticism trap: Jesus plus other voices we discern by knowing the real Jesus 6) The Practice of Continual Growth blue spruce: wide roots, easily blown over pinyon pine: deep taproot, survives the storms the parable of the soils—go deep in good soil 7) The Practice of Overflowing Thankfulness we overflow with apologies, excuses, or complaints Paul mentions gratitude in every chapter of Colossians what if we went overboard with thankfulness? Takeaway: Practice these things and immerse yourself in them, so all may see your progress.
June 12, 20262 Minute Read
The 50-Year-Old Pot of Soup
There's a Chinese cooking tradition called master stock—lu shui. It's a soup base that never gets thrown out. Some restaurants have pots that have been simmering, in some form, for 50 years. The mystery of the flavor isn't a new spice. It's the old one. The ancient one. Consider that image as you think about spiritual maturity. We live in a world that sells us a hundred new hacks every week. New morning routine. New brain trick. New five-step plan. And somewhere along the way, we start to believe that growing up in Jesus should work the same way—fast, fresh, and trending. But Paul says the mystery is this: "Christ in you, the hope of glory." That's it. The secret ingredient isn't new. He's been around since before time started. He's already seen how the story ends. And He's the one doing the simmering inside of you. So here's the invitation today. Stop chasing the next shiny thing. Sit down at the same old pot. Open the Word. Talk to Jesus like He's actually in the room—because He is. Let His Spirit keep doing the slow, deep work that no shortcut can replicate. You're not behind. You're simmering. And the flavor that's coming out of your life is exactly what the people around you are hungry for.soup
June 12, 20262 Minute Read
Reframing the Hard Stuff
When Paul wrote, "I rejoice in what I am suffering for you," he wasn't chained to a desk—he was chained to a guard. And yet his first words weren't, "Get me out of here." They were words of joy. That's not normal. That's mature. In this life, we will have times of suffering. We don't really get to vote on that. What we do get to choose is whether we walk through it bitter or joyful. Bitter suffering complains, blames, and sets up camp in a bad mood. Joyful suffering says, "Jesus walked through hard things too. Maybe this is where I get to know Him a little better." That's not denial. That's not pretending the pain isn't real. Paul still prayed three times for his thorn to be removed. Jesus Himself asked if the cup could pass. We can do both—pray hard for breakthrough and receive the moment as holy ground at the same time. So if you're in a hard season right now, try this. Don't just ask, "God, get me out." Ask, "God, what do You want me to see about You while I'm in here?" That one shift can turn a prison cell into a classroom. Jesus isn't watching from the finish line. He's right there in the cell with you. And what He's growing in you might be exactly what someone else needs to see.reframe
June 12, 20267 Minute Read
How Can I Grow Toward Greater Christ-Like Maturity?
OVERVIEW 👀 In this message from Colossians 1:24–2:7, Paul Durbin unpacks the Apostle Paul's vision of becoming "fully mature" (teleios) in Christ. Drawing on Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000-hour rule and the pushback that real mastery requires deliberate practice with coaching, Paul shows that spiritual maturity works the same way. Jesus isn't waiting at the finish line tapping His foot—He's the world-class expert walking with us, filling us with His Spirit. Through four deliberate practices—joyful suffering, willing service, strenuous contending, and glorious hope—we grow into the kind of mature, seasoned followers who reflect Jesus to the world.Grow TIPS 📌 For the greatest impact, invite a few others to go through this study guide with you. You don't need to do every section and question—use what fits your group or season. Let the Spirit highlight where to slow down and engage. ICEBREAKER(S) 🧊 Have you ever been in an outdoor situation that got way more serious than you expected? (Lost on a trail, stuck in weather, kayak drifting out to sea…) BIBLE PASSAGE(S) 📖 Colossians 1:24–2:7 24 Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25 I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness—26 the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the Lord’s people. 27 To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. 28 He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me. 1 I want you to know how hard I am contending for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. 2 My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. 4 I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. 5 For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is. 6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, 7 rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. OBSERVATION 🔎 What words or phrases does Paul repeat in this passage, and what do those repetitions emphasize about his focus? According to verse 28, what is Paul's goal for the people he serves, and what methods does he use to get them there? What does Paul say about the source of his energy and strength in verse 29, and how does that contrast with how we usually think about hard work? APPLICATION 👋 Paul says he rejoices in his suffering. Where in your life right now are you tempted toward bitter suffering instead of joyful suffering? Reframing pain through the lens of knowing Jesus better is hard—but it changes everything. Think about a current frustration or hardship and how Jesus might be in it with you. What's one area where you've stopped growing because you've gotten comfortable just doing what you already know how to do? Like the violinists who needed deliberate practice and coaching, we can plateau spiritually without realizing it. Comfort is often the enemy of maturity. Paul went from persecuting the church to becoming its servant. What does it look like for you to "become" a servant in this season—at home, work, or church? Maturity shows up when we walk into a room asking how we can serve instead of how we'll be served. When was the last time you strenuously contended for something spiritually—prayer, a relationship, a habit, a calling? Kapos means weariness like you've been beaten. Most of us avoid that kind of effort in our walk with Jesus, but it's where real growth happens. Where do you feel like you've got "nothing left"—and how might Jesus be the speedboat showing up on the swell? Paul didn't fight with his own energy; he fought with Christ's energy in him. That changes both what we attempt and how long we keep going. What "new hacks" or quick fixes have you been chasing for spiritual growth instead of the old, proven ingredient of Jesus Himself? The master stock isn't impressive because it's new—it's rich because it's ancient. Maturity comes from time spent with the timeless One. Who in your life is farther along in faith, and how could you invite their honest feedback into your spiritual growth? Mastery requires coaches and mentors. We need people who'll tell us the truth and help us see our blind spots. LIVE ON BELAY 🏔️ Pick one current hardship and write down three ways God might be using it to grow you—then share it with a fellow Belay'er this week. Show up somewhere this week (Belay, work, neighborhood, family) with one question on your mind: "How can I serve here?" Then actually do it. Choose one area where you've been ready to quit—a relationship, a habit, a calling—and recommit for 30 more days of strenuous contending, with prayer and a friend cheering you on. Reach out to someone you know who's suffering and simply sit with them—bring a meal, a text, or a coffee. Be the speedboat showing up on the swell. Find a mature believer and ask them to coach or mentor you in one specific area of your faith for the next season. PRAYER 🙏 Jesus, when suffering shows up, help me reframe it as a doorway to know You better. Lord, give me a true servant's heart—make me someone who walks in asking how to give, not how to get. Holy Spirit, fill me with the energy of Christ to strenuously contend where I'd rather quit. Father, free me from chasing quick fixes and root me deeper in the ancient, proven goodness of Jesus. Jesus, make me a giant in the faith—not for applause, but for the sake of the people You've placed around me. WORSHIP 🙌 OUTLINE 📝 Main Idea: Christ-like maturity (teleios) doesn't happen by accident—it's the result of deliberate, Spirit-empowered practice over time. 1) The Practice of Joyful Suffering Paul rejoices from prison Reframing pain to know Jesus better Praying for breakthrough while receiving the work 2) The Practice of Willing Service Paul "became" a servant Maturity shows up not on stage, but in the kitchen Putting childhood selfishness behind us 3) The Practice of Strenuous Contending Kapos—weariness like being beaten The kayak story: when the fight leaves you Fighting with Christ's energy, not just our own 4) The Practice of Glorious Hope The master stock: ancient, not new Christ in you, the hope of glory Yielding daily: "Fill me up, Jesus" Takeaway: Don't chase new hacks—press into the ancient, Spirit-filled practices that grow giants in the faith.
June 6, 20263 Minute Read
5 Stages of Marriage
What Stage Are You In? When Patty and I said "I do," nobody handed us a roadmap. We anticipated that marriage would be a steady climb upward—two people who loved each other simply loving each other more as the years rolled by. But marriage isn't a straight line. It's a journey with distinct stages, and every couple moves through them. The good news? When you know what stage you're in, you stop panicking when things get difficult. You realize you're not broken—you're just in a season. And every season has a purpose. Here are the five stages most marriages experience. 💕 Honeymoon Stage This is the magical beginning, when love feels effortless and your partner can do no wrong. Emotions run high and the connection feels electric. Head over heels in love Passionate romance and starry-eyed wonder Powerful chemistry between you Everything about your partner feels perfect "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine." — Song of Solomon 6:3 😬 Reality Stage The fog of romance lifts and real life sets in. You start noticing your partner's quirks and wondering if you really knew them at all. Usually hits a few weeks after the honeymoon The "What was I thinking?" moment arrives A shift from delight to disillusionment Little things start to bother you, and it feels like you have less in common than you thought "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." — 1 Corinthians 13:4 🚦 Adaptation Stage This is the crossroads. You're faced with the reality that your spouse isn't exactly who you imagined—and neither are you. Now you have to decide what to do about it. Three paths open up in front of you: GO: Split up and go separate ways STATUS QUO: Stay together but live unhappily GROW: Choose to develop healthier ways of seeing each other "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" — Matthew 7:3 🌱 Transformation Stage For couples who choose to grow, real change starts happening. You stop trying to win and start trying to understand. Accept that you'll never see eye to eye on everything Consciously decide not to push each other's buttons Look at yourself more honestly and make real changes Struggle decreases, harmony increases "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." — Ephesians 4:2 🌳 Mature Love Stage This is the payoff for couples who stayed the course. Love feels deeper, richer, and more secure than ever before. You share a meaningful history together The qualities that first attracted you come back into focus Renewed connection—you feel closer than ever More harmony, and you genuinely like each other again A quiet pride in what you've built side by side "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." — Ecclesiastes 4:12 A Final Word Wherever you find yourself today—honeymoon, reality check, or somewhere in the messy middle—don't lose heart. Marriage isn't meant to be easy; it's meant to make us more like Christ. The struggle isn't a sign your marriage is failing. It's often the very thing God uses to grow you both into something beautiful. If you're stuck, reach out. Talk to your spouse honestly. Find a mentor couple. The best marriages aren't the ones that avoid the hard stages—they're the ones that walk through them together. This article is based on a teaching Paul heard at a Responding to Relationships seminar.
June 4, 20262 Minute Read
Who did you GIFT this week?
What is GIFT? GIFT is a simple way to help Sundays at Belay continue to be welcoming and friendly. Greet Greet someone you've never met before. If they're new, welcome them and learn something about them. If they've been around a while and you just haven't met yet, introduce yourself. If they came alone, offer to sit with them. Introduce Introduce people to each other. Connect people who share something in common. Introduce a first-time guest to the pastor or a leader. Be the bridge between strangers and friends. Follow Up Follow up with someone you met recently. Call them by name. Pick up the conversation where it left off. Invite them into your circle of friends. Thank Thank someone who did something you appreciate. A simple "I love those songs!" to the worship leader. A “that was delicious” to whoever brought breakfast. A note of encouragement to a nursery worker. Ask a fellow Belayer, "Who did you GIFT this week?" Not many of us can do all four letters of GIFT every week. But if we each commit to just one a week (and ask each other about it) this simple plan can help Sundays at Belay continue to be a place of real belonging. Based on an article by Karl Vaters, https://karlvaters.com/friendlier-to-guests/
June 4, 20262 Minute Read
He Took the First Step
Reconciliation always takes two parties. One person can do everything in their power, but if the other doesn't respond, nothing changes. Anyone who's lived through a broken relationship knows this in their bones. Here's what wrecks me about the gospel: we were the ones who walked away. Paul says we were "alienated" and "enemies in our minds because of our evil behavior." That's strong language. And yet Colossians 1 doesn't say humanity finally figured it out, climbed high enough, prayed loud enough, or got religious enough to earn God's attention. It says He reconciled us. He moved first. He took the step. He gave His own body on the cross to close the gap we created. Think about that the next time you feel far from God. He's not standing across the canyon with arms folded, waiting for you to perform your way back. He already crossed. The blood of Jesus has already been shed. The hand is already extended. Your part is simply to receive it. And here's the beautiful ripple effect: because He moved toward us, we get to move toward others. That relationship you've been waiting on someone else to fix? Maybe you're the one who gets to be like Jesus this week. Maybe you take the first step. Maybe you send the text. Maybe you offer the hug before the words come. That's what people who are on belay do—we move first, because Someone moved first for us.reconcile